Like clockwork, the public distribution of sevens tickets comes around every year, and like a comet’s tail, it’s followed by  the cacophony of voices of the disenfranchised, those who failed to get a ticket.  Last week, there was even a letter in the SCMP from a guy stating that if the government gives the HKRFU any subsidy it should be immediately withdrawn – ach a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, when you’re mentally challenged, it’s best to keep your mouth shut rather than confirm everyone’s suspicions. So Mr. Kan or whatever your name was, be assured, the HKRFU subsidizes the Government in a BIG way.  Firstly they pay a massive rental for the stadium, then a percentage of the  revenue from the Hotels running a full capacity is paid as corporation tax. Indeed a percentage of every dollar spent by the tourists coming here finds its way into Government coffers. I’m sure with the multiplier effect some economist could come up with a figure in the high tens of millions.  And as a non- profit organization the money from the sevens is put back into the Community in the guise of new pitches which the government don’t need to build, (if they ever would) then perhaps as a consequence of the 1000′s of kids playing sport and not becoming obese little emperors, the government saves millions of dollars in medical costs.  Is that enough Mr Kan?

But back to the whining, it’s always the same, ” I am a rugby fan.” I’ve been going for years.” “There are not enough tickets for the general public.” “The system is wrong, whine, whinge and waffle!

All over Hong Kong on a Saturday there are indeed thousands of Rugby Fans: They’re playing rugby, they’re watching rugby.  All over Hong Kong on a Sunday, there are indeed thousand of Rugby fans, they are working gratis as Mini- Rugby coaches, Mini- Rugby referees, Mini-rugby supporters.  Five thousand kids across the territory on a Sunday adds up to a hell of a lot of unpaid volunteers – should Mr. Armchair whiner get a ticket and not the multitude of true fans, I think not, but then again, am willing to be corrected! Actually, that’s bullshit, I’m right, get over it!

The HKRFU could sell 70,000 tickets, but they’re waiting on a government talking shop to get around to deciding where, when and how, the usual shite.  Meanwhile the HKRFU takes the flak from the whiners, it’a about time they went on the offensive.

As a last point, it’s strange irony that the whiners were also out in force when the price increase was announced.  Then returned to the fray when they couldn’t get a ticket.

I play rugby, I work at the Sevens, I’m a director of a Rugby Club, I’ve got two tickets and the other one will go to a true rugby fan!

As part of a divorce settlement, one woman in Hong Kong is seeking 55% of her former husbands assets, fair enough, we all know the old adage: “Hell hath no fury but a woman scorned.” And it seems her man strayed. She has submitted a breakdown of necessary expenditure in order to keep herself in the style to which she was formerly accustomed, again fair enough.
This style includes HK$5 million a year for buying clothes and HK$2.4 million in recreational expenditure. HK$1.8 million for buying food and HK$600 000 for eating out. She also requires HK$15 million to buy a boat and HK$600 million to buy a house in Hong Kong. The list goes on and on, but one item got the old morning muesli sprayed onto the front page of today’s SCMP, she wants HK$143 000 a year to spend on food for her dogs. That’s just under HK$400 a day on her 3 pooches, what the fuck is she feeding them? And rest assured, being Hong Kong, these will not even be real dogs, just pathetic fashion statements carted around in a fucking Gucci bag, latest model of course!
I know people in Hong Kong who live on less than HK$100 a day, and an ex had HK$15 each for breakfast and lunch and HK$30 for her dinner.
WTF is this woman on, it’s a dog, if it’s hungry it’ll eat anything, this pampering pets is pathetic and selfish. How can a dog be fed better every day than ten’s of thousands of people in Hong Kong, not to mention millions world wide who would eat her fucking mutts just to get hold of some meat.
It can’t go on, there is no reality for these people other than the one they have created for themselves and like Marie ( let them eat cake) Antoinette, they just don’t realise that the instruments of their downfall are quietly growing in many corners of the world, perhaps there won’t be a reign of terror, but there is a reckoning coming that may consume their wealth as quickly as they inherited it. Not tomorrow, not soon, perhaps not even in a decade, but it will come, and not from any direction we will anticipate.
I don’t hate the super rich, they’re mostly just wankers, with some notable exceptions, however, the obscenely rich? They are so far removed from the rest of us, that they’re just obscene wankers obsessed with protecting their capital, and come the day, they’ll realise all the money in the world won’t save you from whatever manifestation of disaster that befalls us, be it economic meltdown, or a natural or man made catastrophe, calamity or cataclysm.

In “How we see it” earlier this week in the SCMP, there was an article about sex pests on the MTR.  Fair enough you might think, there are some strange people out there.  Here is the article:

“The good news is that almost all categories of crime are down on the MTR. Only pickpocketing has worsened, with the number of cases going up by 7 per cent in the first half of this year compared with the same period last year. Even sex crimes have levelled off or dropped slightly.  The bad news is that offenders are getting more ingenious and inventive.

It appears that crowded MTR stations and trains, and public transport in general, are magnets for sex pests. The overly chummy conditions make it easier for creeps to hunt for victims.  A favourite ploy has been using hidden cameras to shoot up women’s skirts.

One guy was recently arrested on suspicion of being a terrorist because an object was bulging from his leg. It turned out to be a data storage device attached to a pinhole camera in his shoe, which he used to take lewd photos of women’s underwear.

Police have seen 38 such cases in MTR stations or on trains in the first six months of the year, though most weren’t as technically involved.

Molestation is another problem, with 83 cases in MTR stations and on trains in the first six months. One victim was a two-year-old girl who had her leg touched.

This type of crime fuels calls for women-only trains. But such separation is unlikely to be effective. It further stereotypes women as victims needing special protection. And it neglects the fact that many such crimes are committed in stations, not in train compartments.

Tougher penalties, enforcement and patrolling are needed. A public education campaign is also needed to encourage bystanders to lend a hand and call out for help.”

I’ve been sitting on my reply for a few days, as I’m just not sure how to raise the below subject without being hounded out of town, but here goes.

One line stuck me as rather strange, or at least deserving of more explanation.  It says:

” Molestation is another problem, with 83 cases reported on trains in the first six months.  One victim was a two year old who had her leg touched.”

I’m sorry! Is a leg being touched molestation?  Was there a hysterical mother involved?  Was it a dirty old man, or a young kid. Was someone rubbing a kids leg, or did they brush against it?  Did it go to court?  Would a kid whose leg was rubbed know it had just been molested?

To just throw such an allegation into a commentary piece without explanation smacks of shoddy journalism and a pretty crap effort at sensationalism… oh but then again, it is the SCMP.

Over the years, in fact since I opened The Canny Man in Wanchai in 2005, many people have asked me what it means, and why I called it The Canny Man, the story began in Edinburgh, in 1993, where I was a journalism student.  One day a few drinking buddies and I, just fresh from avoiding the last class of the day, elected to go to a bar called ‘Canny Man’s’ a bar adjacent to our campus up in Morningside, home of  ”wee women in tweeds”, an affluent area, if you disregard the ubiquitous students.

In short, we were refused service, as The Canny Man’s owner held somewhat disparaging attitudes towards students, and preferred to keep his bar an Oasis of regulars.  There and then, I decided one day I would own a bar called The Canny Man, and I would also elect to make it my own wee oasis, and so my oasis in Wanchai came about.

The old fella who refused me and my mates, died a few weeks back, and it seems only fitting that I should reprint his obituary from The Scotsmans Newspaper.  The old boy was a character and you don’t get many in the trade anymore, dominated as it is by soulless chains offering the same shit.  To Watson Kerr, famous around the world, and to his family…A toast… Slainte, I hope the family carry on his worthy traditions. Original obituary here

Here is the full text, it makes interesting reading.

Obituary: Watson Kerr, renowned Edinburgh innkeeper

Published Date: 07 September 2011

By Martin Hannan

Extraordinary Edinburgh publican whose unique approach to hospitality brought his Canny Man’s pub legendary status

Watson Kerr, renowned Edinburgh innkeeper.

Died: 3 September, 2011.

IF EVER a man suffered from the wrong image it was Watson Kerr, innkeeper extraordinaire of Edinburgh, who died at the weekend.

Arguably the capital’s most famous publican, Kerr was “mine host” of the utterly unique Canny Man’s public house in Morningside. He passed away last Saturday, leaving his family in shock, and his devoted regular clientele bereft of a kenspeckle figure in their lives, while not a few people around the world are still bewildered as to why he refused to serve them simply because he didn’t like the look of them.

Watson Kerr gained his celebrity by doing things very much sui generis, and to coin a phrase, it was either his way or the highway for those who entered his establishment. He had no hesitation in barring people whose conduct was less than becoming, or even because they were wearing what he termed offensive apparel.

His lovely and loving wife Gloria once summed up the Kerr philosophy succinctly in a note to customers: “You drink where you want, I’ll serve who I want.” She added: “He can’t stand people who can’t handle their drink.”

The Canny Man’s once boasted a sign saying “regulars only”, which was useful because, if you didn’t pass muster, staff would invite you to leave because you were not a regular, rather than say your clothes were dire or your face didn’t fit.

Kerr was what might be termed a colourful character. Even in a licensed trade which abounds with larger-than-life figures, his reputation as a publican who would stand no nonsense gained him fame far furth the boundaries of Edinburgh. Yet his renown as a martinet was not really fair, for he was by nature a kind and hospitable gentleman whose creed was the maintenance of proper public house standards.

In essence he ran The Canny Man’s like a private club and, while the rules were often unwritten, some were indeed put down for posterity in writing. To this day The Canny Man’s has a prominent sign outside – No smoking, no credit cards, no cameras, no backpackers.

Formerly the Volunteer Arms, The Canny Man’s has been in the ownership of the Kerr family since it was founded by Watson Kerr’s great grandfather John in 1871.

In appearance it looks quite normal outside, but the interior is completely eccentric, the entire premises being festooned with the eclectic collections of several Kerr generations. Bric-a-brac vies with fine art prints, lithographs, and notices and, of course, a huge collection of whiskies and other drinks on the walls behind the bars.

One small notice seems apposite at this moment: “Don’t make plans, it makes the Gods laugh.” Another notice says “Nobody’s perfect, except the captain” – a definite Watson Kerr touch.

The Canny Man’s nooks and crannies are set in richly wood-panelled recesses where a curious amalgam of the ladies of Morningside, well-bred students and the professional classes enjoy the pub’s atmosphere of dedicated relaxation.

Kerr was committed to keeping that clubbable milieu, and gained his greatest fame in the 1990s when he decided he had suffered quite enough of Christmas excesses bespoiling the Canny Man’s. He issued edicts which at various times included the following imprecations:

“NO OFFICE PARTIES. This means: DO NOT ASK. The answer is NO. And do not bring the remnants of paper-hatted clowns back here. They won’t get served and you’ll be barred.

“There will be NO Christmas decorations. This means I don’t want anyone cutting down a tree on my behalf – and I’m not a friend of the earth.

“No festive lunch. This means be truly thankful I’m not going to serve Christmas pudding, give you a cracker, and charge you double… I’m serving lunch as usual and you’ll have to wait as usual and more than likely the food will be cold by the time you get it, as usual.

“NO FREE NIPS. This means that you have not had a drink on the house this year and you will not be getting one. So don’t ask.”

He concluded his tidings of comfort and joy as follows: “Having said all of that, have a nice Christmas and New Year.”

Kerr was adamant he was only acting in defence of his regulars. He said at the time: “They give me their custom 365 days of the year and I’ll be damned if I’ll allow hordes of once-a-year clowns to disrupt things here.”

The press loved these stories and flocked to The Canny Man’s for further elucidation of the gospel according to Kerr only to be told by the staff to “go away, as we’re not publicity seekers”. Which is true – he never actively sought publicity, and even in death, the Kerr family are respecting his privacy and no obituaries are planned.

Instead, his wife Gloria penned a personal note to customers, which is on the Canny Man’s notice board: “It is with deep regret that Gloria Kerr and her children Tristan, Tara and Mark have to inform you of the death of her loving husband and their loving father.” Alongside is the first of what will no doubt be many notes of condolence which says: “Watson – a perfect gentleman.”

It can be revealed today that Edinburgh Licensing Board and the then district council took up the Christmas matter informally with Kerr, attempting to discover if his less than welcoming message was an act or the real thing – there were fears that Edinburgh’s image could suffer among potential tourists.

An emissary reported back that it was no joke and the “Christmas, bah humbug” message was quite sincere. I know, for I was that emissary, Canny Man’s being one of my haunts at the time. The board took no action, it should be said – more than one member agreed with Kerr.

He was serious about curbing the excesses of Christmas drunkenness, just as he was serious about keeping The Canny Man’s as an oasis of peace in a rambunctious city. Completely belying his image, he did innumerable kindnesses for customers, but never publicised any of them – that was not his way.

The tribute he would probably have most enjoyed came from a regular customer at the Canny Man’s for more than 40 years who, over a pint yesterday, said: “In all that time I would never dared to have addressed him as Watson. He kept a good pub… no, he kept an EXCELLENT pub.”

In an age when so many pubs have closed for a myriad of reasons, the good news is that the Kerr family will keep The Canny Man’s going. They know they have a very hard act to follow, but will surely maintain Watson Kerr’s standards, for, in an era of homogeneity and boring sameness in so many walks of life, there is surely an honoured place for a pub like The Canny Man’s.

(This article was written recently for BC Magazine and is reproduced with permission.)

It’s Sevens Long lunch time again soon in Hong Kong, Friday 16th September at Grand Hyatt.  This year the guest speakers are flanker Richard Hill of England, with 71 England caps and five Lions caps, and ex-Scotland Captain, Andy Nicol with 23 caps at Scrum Half.

Nicol, who famously led Scotland to an upset victory over an unbeaten England in the 2000 Six Nations, was in ebullient form when BC Magazine spoke to him recently

Nicol was last in Hong Kong in 2005, en-route to Clive Woodward’s disastrous Lion’s Tour; previously he played in the sevens here, in 1992 for the Barbarians at the old Government Stadium; in 1993 he returned with Scotland to the new Stadium, and then in ‘94 he played at the Hong Kong Football Club tens.

“Hong Kong is just the most amazing place.” Said Nicol, all three years were incredible and many a long night was had in Wanchai and Lan Kwai Fong.”

In fact Nicol has another reason to love Hong Kong, having kicked off the relationship with the woman who would become his wife in that venerable old Hong Kong institution, Joe Bananas, and cemented it, in another Hong Kong institution, The infamous Dragon Bar from the Hong Kong Hilton, transplanted to Scotland.  Nicol explains: “I met my future wife in Joe Bananas in 1993. I was playing with Scotland in the sevens and Janet was in holiday with her great friend Janie McLaren, the daughter of legendary commentator Bill McLaren. We first met at a function in the HSBC building, hosted by Willie Purves for the Scotland team, on the Wednesday before the tournament. But it was in Joe Bananas on the Sunday night that our romance officially started! We spent our wedding night in a hotel in Scotland called Kinfauns Castle, which was owned by James Smith who used to run the Hong Kong Hilton where we had both stayed in HK. The infamous Dragon Boat Bar was moved from HK to Perthshire and we enjoyed a few drinks reminiscing about how we met!

Nicol started playing rugby at age 6 in his hometown of Dundee and went on to his senior career with Dundee High School Former Pupils and Bath.  His international career started on 18^th January 1992.  As Nicol explains: “I was 20 years old and was playing for Dundee HSFP in the 2nd division of the Scottish Leagues. The week before I had played in front of 800 spectators for Dundee v Ayr and just one week later, I played in front of 60,000 at Murrayfield for Scotland v England.

That baptism of fire ended in defeat, however there was the famous 2000 triumph to come, when asked to describe the events of that day Nicol had this to say: “The music played before Scotland ran out of the tunnel had changed just before this game to a wonderful pipe tune called ‘Highland Cathedral’. It builds to a wonderful crescendo and we planned to run out at the same time as this happened. To do this we locked the changing room door and one of the staff had a stopwatch going because it had been planned with military precision. The touch judge started knocking on the door to get us to run out but we were having none of it. As the knocks got more and more angry we stood firm and, just before the touch judge was going to knock the door down, I led the team out at exactly the right time as the pipes blasted out the crescendo. My abiding memory of that game was how cold I was at the end, I’ve never experienced weather quite like it that day. The pitch resembled a swimming pool at the end but it was also bitterly cold. When I went up the steps at Murrayfield to receive the Calcutta Cup from Princess Anne, I have no recollection of what she said to me because, by this stage, I was so cold and so wet all I wanted to do was jump in a hot bath. Still enjoyed the picture though!”

With the impending British and Irish Lions Visit to Hong Kong BC asked Nicol for his thoughts.  He said: “I think it is a brilliant idea the Lions playing in HK. It has been tried with some success, with NZ playing Australia, but I expect the Lions will be even bigger due to the large expat community. The franchise is one of the strongest in world sport already, the shirt is one of the biggest selling shirts on the globe, this game will only make it bigger.”

In fact Nicol was on two Lions Tours, which he describes in an understated way as “quite interesting!” He says: “My Lions career is quite interesting because although I went on 2 Lions Tours, this does not tell half the story! My first tour was in 1993 in New Zealand and I was flown in as a temporary replacement as cover for Welsh Scrum-Half Robert Jones who had taken ill. I was there for 6 days and during that time I sat on the bench for the Lions v Taranaki, got on for the last 6 minutes, then got sent home the next day. So my first Lions tour was 6 days and 6 minutes of rugby and that was the longer of my two tours! In 2001, I didn’t make the squad but I went to Australia with a supporter’s tour. Now everyone knows what happens on those trips, you drink, fall down and then drink some more. This was my ‘ training ‘ schedule as we went round Oz, from Brisbane where the Lions won the first test, through Melbourne where Australia leveled the series and up to Sydney for the deciding test match. On the Friday night before that match, I received a phone call from Donal Lenihan the Lions Manager, enquiring about my fitness. Lying through my teeth I said I was fine and asked why he was asking. He informed me that there was an injury to one of the players and, when he told me it was Austin Healy, I thought, that’s such a shame because he is such a nice guy! So, having spent the previous 2 weeks sampling every bar in the Australian Eastern seaboard, I was asked to sit on the bench and be the replacement scrum half for the final deciding match. Probably, it turned out for the best, as I was not needed to go on to the field of play but, just to round off the most bizarre 24 hours of my life, when I went back into the changing room after the game, my number, No 20, was pulled out of the hat for the drugs test! All I can say is, thankfully, they do not test for alcohol!

Since Nicols’ last cap Scotland have endured some pretty torrid and tortuous results as they struggled to adapt to the new level of professionalism, BC asked Nicol his thoughts on the current Scottish rugby set up:  “There is no doubt that professional rugby has not been a friend of Scottish Rugby. Since professionalism in 1996, there have been a few highs but many more lows as Scotland, as a country, failed to adapt to and embrace professionalism properly. We suffered from terrible infighting between the traditional clubs and the centrally run districts that the SRU decided was the best route for Scotland to take when the sport was opened up. It is only really in the last few years that we seem to have found some sort of balance in the Scottish game and, coincidently, the performance of the national team has improved. Scotland struggles on two counts in particular and they are, lack of playing numbers and lack of private investment into the professional game. Until we see increased levels in both, Scotland will still struggle at Pro Teams level.  On how to enhance the sport in Scotland Nicol had this to say: “Government investment is key. Too many people in Westminster or Holyrood are happy for the private schools to develop the game at grass roots level. There has to be much more emphasis on getting our kids doing active sports, not just rugby, and key to this are good facilities. We are not blessed with the best weather in Scotland yet we insist on trying to encourage kids to take up the sport when it is freezing cold and pitches are waterlogged. I know it is radical, but I would move to summer rugby for kids to allow them to experience rugby in the best weather and hence, conditions we have.”

HK has always had a large Scottish community, who were and are always very supportive at Sevens time. To try to capitalize on this latent support a new team, Hong Kong Scottish with links to London Scottish will enter the Premiership division this season.  There are now 5 Scottish Under 20 players with Hong Kong Scottish, as well as Andy Hall, Sam Pinder and David Tait all playing out here, plus HK-born Graeme Morrison and John Barclay in the Scotland team alongside Jim Hamilton who has a HK Chinese grandmother. We asked Nicol if there should be more focus in the Scottish set up on players from abroad, he had this to say: “I was working for the BBC at Melrose so was delighted to see HK Scottish playing there. There are so many Scots all round the world but especially in HK that I think it is a great idea and if they ever need a guest coach!” He went on: “I played with Andy Hall and Sam Pinder and look forward to catching up with them on my trip. Scotland need to pull on all players that are qualified where ever they are playing in the world but HK Scottish should help in this regard.”

With the impending world cup, BC thought it prudent to ask Andy his thoughts on Scotland’s potential, with confidence he stated: “I fully expect Scotland to qualify for the knockout stages as they have done in every World Cup to date. The tough game is obviously Argentina but I think Scotland are peaking just when Argentina look like they are slightly passed their best of 4 years ago.” He went on: “ I cannot wait for Scotland v England at Eden Park in Auckland, it will be awesome. The carrot of winning this game will be to avoid playing the hosts New Zealand in the quarters.”

There is some criticism in both non-rugby and rugby circles regarding the stop-start nature of the current game and like many Nicol have thier own thoughts, when asked if he could change two rules of rugby, what would they be, he replied instantly: “Advantage over when the ball is kicked. This will stop teams going for the drop goal knowing they have a penalty if it misses, and something has to happen to scrums and the engagement. Just about every scrum is reset and we waste too much time watching the forwards mess about.”

As this reporter is a scrum-half and thus only interested in scrum-halves we asked Nicol whether he saw himself as a ninth forward or a back, he had this to say: “Throughout my international career, I battled with 2 great Scottish scrum halves in Gary Armstrong and Bryan Redpath. Gary was definitely a ninth forward and Bryan had a fantastic pass so I tried to place myself between the two on the scrum half spectrum if you like. I had a good enough pass to get the backs moving, a reasonable break also but I could also play the physical stuff with the forwards as well. The ex internationalists that I am in touch with are a mix of forwards and backs, which proves that I was a bit of both really!

We asked Andy what the highlights and low points of his career were and he was quick to answer.

“Highlights were winning my 1^st cap, every cap after that was a bonus as my dream was to emulate my grandfather who got one cap in 1932, to do this and win another 22 was beyond my expectations.  And of course winning that Calcutta Cup match in 2000, and winning the Heineken cup with Bath in 1998.  My least favourite part of my career was every loss and every injury.”

Finally as a parting shot, we asked Nicol what were his plans for the future?  He replied: “I tried coaching when I stopped playing but did not enjoy it. Hopefully, I will be involved with the BBC for some time yet as I love being involved in international rugby especially the Six Nations.”